Vanity plates (also known as personal plates) can be a way to stand out from the hordes of alphanumeric plate-holders. One’s last name, car model, or even obscure dirty words can be stamped into your license plate, provided you’re willing to fill out a form with your preferred plate’s lettering and an explanation of what it means.
Los Angeles Magazine reports that the California Department of Motor Vehicles received almost 250,000 applications for individualistic Californians in 2018, all of whom wanted their own customized plates. From its favorites, we have picked 10 of our own, listed in countdown style. Try not to have water in your mouth as you read.
10: BEMYBAE
“Bae” is well-known shorthand for “babe,” an endearing term for a romantic partner, which is what this plate’s applicant claims to call their girlfriend in celebration of their anniversary. But the cruel, well-versed clerks of the DMV denied this romantic the ability to tout their love in traffic on the basis that “bae” is Danish for “poop.”
9: ONW2BYB
“On my way to bang your b***h,” explained this plate’s applicant, who presumably drives a BMW 320i with a salvage title. With a meaning as juvenile as this, it’s no surprise the DMV denied this application.
8: DCKXTSN
“I’m the extension of my dad. My father’s name is ‘Dick’ and I was named after him,” claimed one Brant, trying to obscure the reason for applying for a plate that reads an abbreviated version of “d**k extension.” This too went in the trash.
7: FSHBALL
“Fish ball,” is all this applicant wrote. A confused DMV employee denied this plate, assuming it to mean something sexual. Almost everything is listed in Urban Dictionary as an obscure sexual term of some sort, and though there’s an entry worded similarly, the fact that it only has 54 thumbs up since its 2007 submission means that this term is so obscure that it’s got to be meaningless at best to 99.9999 percent of the population.
6: AENIMA
Aenima, says this applicant, is the second album from rock band Tool, and they’re not lying. Unfortunately for this rocker, Aenima is visually similar to the word “enema,” which is generally not a mental image someone wants when sipping on some hot brown during their morning commute. Denied.
5: S8TAN
“Saint Anne,” said this application, in regard to the religious figure recorded to be the grandmother of Jesus Christ, “is an important historical figure, and someone who I model my life after.” But they likely take more after Judas than they do Anne, as S8TAN is a blatant rewriting of “Satan.” Any fan of miss Anne would have tried for something closer to the source material, such as “ST ANNE.”
4: BLUE ME
“Sad time in my life and my car is blue,” said this applicant, pretending not to be making a vulgar reference. Because sadness can’t be conveyed via the plate “IM SAD,” with a bumper sticker, or by driving a leased a Nissan Altima.
3: HUF4RTED
“Have unwavering faith (4) respect the day,” said this one, trying to mask crudeness as piety. But to answer their question regarding who farted, it was probably…
2: GASPASR
“I am a nurse anesthetist,” claimed one presumably flatulent medical professional. Beano is an over-the-counter treatment, as is eating less underripe fruit.
1: DICKOUT
“Celebration of my son [Dick] moving out of the house,” says this one, as if any Millennials or Gen Z’ers go by the name Dick. Come on, man.